Are you a control freak? Do you get upset, stressed or agitated when things don’t go as planned? Have you ever tried to let go and just enjoyed the ride or are you too uptight to just let go? Good news, letting go can allow you to feel peace and happiness. Letting go and just living life go hand in hand in the path towards becoming a happy adult.
I have been a control freak since after I have started working. Change scares me and being unable to control things confuses and scares me. Control gave me security, Security made me feel safe. And thus by exercising too much control I was able to feign peace. But I realized I need to let go in order for me to feel peace and get rid of my anxiety.
Why Do People Become Control Freaks?
When we were children, we were told that we needed to do this to become that and we needed to be this to become that. We were made to follow orders and instructions otherwise we get into trouble. Sometimes we get scolded for choosing art over math. We were told that artists don’t make any money and need to work hard to buy a house, raise a family and so on.
There is nothing wrong with hard work. It is one of the best values I have ever encountered. On the other hand there is hard work and there is slave driving yourself. Sometimes the pressure from others is too much that we overwork ourselves in order to achieve what the society expects of us.
1. Need for Security
People turn into control freaks because they are afraid of being unable to cope with change. They also want to know that whatever happens they will survive. This drives people to a point wherein they want to control everything because in this way they can be assured of the outcome.
2. Fear of Change
Change can be crippling. When you are on stable ground and when things are going great, you want them to stay that way. Most people know that life changes and so in order for them to just cope with change, they control things so that they will be able to see a favorable result from the change that is happening.
3. Fear of Pain
Pain can change people. Pain is something most people wish to avoid. And due to avoidance of pain, we tend to become a person who tries to foresee everything and create an action plan for everything. This allows us to avoid pain or at least be able to manage the pain that may result from a situation.
4. Need for Power
One of the biggest reasons why people become too controlling is because they want to feel that they have some sort of power over things and over life. They want to know that they are the ones on control of their lives and that no matter what happens they will be able to stir their lives into the proper directions
Living and Letting Go
Life has thought me many things, to be strong, to fight but also to let go. When I learned to let go, the pain became less and I was able to have more freedom. Letting go allowed me to accept changes, defeat, struggles and learned from them.
1. Live Each Day to The Fullest
I know that we must plan ahead and that we need to save for the future. I do that, but we also need to learn to live in the now. We need to allow today be wonderful, beautiful and happy. We need to tell ourselves, “If today was my last day, would I forgive my enemies? Would I smile more?”. We need to enjoy each and every moment of today because once that moment is gone, we can never get it back.
2. Let Go of Fear, Anger and Negativity
Many people live with too much fear in their hearts. They fear failure, rejection and thus become angry and negative. We need to let go of the anger and negativity. These emotions poison our body and create negative energy within us. We need to invite joy in. We need to choose happiness. Believe it or not negative emotions are emotions that we choose. And sometimes we over indulge in feeling them. Letting them go can allow us to heal and grow
3. Eat Healthy and You Can Eat Whatever You Want
You know what’s good for you. You can still have pizza, you can have a whole wheat or a flourless pizza with veggies, mushrooms, cheese, some mushrooms and some sausages. You can still have frozen yogurt that tastes as good as ice cream. You just need to make the right choices. Stop counting the calories too much. Learn to put down the fork and chew your food. If you learn to eat healthy, you don’t need to be a total nut in counting all the stuff you ate.
4. Make Time for Yourself
Self love is important. This does not mean over indulgent shopping sprees. These are the moments that you give your heart and soul to live and be you. You need to take walks so that you can talk to yourself. You need to meditate to listen to the Universe. You need to get those long baths because your muscles are sore. You need to go for a swim or a run because you feel incredible after.
You also need to have some hobbies. You need to let go of controlling time and allow your mind to commune with your hands. Why not take up gardening, sowing, fixing up bikes, playing tennis or what ever makes you happy. You live only once and you need to enjoy YOURSELF
5. Love Without Expectations
Many times we feel heart broken because when we love we expect too much. We want our partner to behave a certain way. We want to them to show us certain actions. We forget gratitude and we demand. Demanding is the root cause of resentment and bitterness.
No two people are alike and so no love is alike. You cannot expect that the way you love your partner or your friends would be the same way that they will love you back. Let love be love and just be happy you have it.
The Art of Living
Living is about making mistakes and getting up from those mistakes; it is about the days of success and failures. Life is not just black and white, it’s technique color and we have to learn to change and grow as life changes around us.
We can live life and try to control it and end up bitter and sad, or we can let go at times and be happy. Life should be a balance of control and letting go. Like the Yin and Yang, we cannot be always good or always bad, we need to balance it. When we learn to balance both control and letting go then we can learn which days to go and fight and which days to just let life take over.
Life is a gift, live it and be happy.